so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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