I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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