I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Life is so much better after having sex.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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