Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Couch. On fire.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
