would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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