i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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