Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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