he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
