If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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