he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
