he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
