WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
