I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
