can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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