I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
