Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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