She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
