Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
