I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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