I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
