Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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