he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
