i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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