Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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