is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
