wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
