Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Randomize
