watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
