I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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