so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
