you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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