yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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