Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
