Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
