so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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