see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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