You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
