um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
