Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
