like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
