I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
