i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
ttyl tear gas
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
