DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
