I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
