He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
