I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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