New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
