somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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