im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
being pregnant is like rehab
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
