just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
