ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There are leaves in my underwear?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
