He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
God I need to hump something, right now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
