I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
