We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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