they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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