ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
