Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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