I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
