and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Fuck appropriateness.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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