Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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